A new world.. with the new year.

And so ends probably the longest year of my life today.... The final year of my MBBS. With the end of this year, a looooooong phase has ended.

Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance. A similar change is about to happen in our lives. The long hours have ended.. And our hard-work is going to pay off..


The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future? That future is not one of ease or resting but of incessant striving so that we may fulfill the pledges we have so often taken and the one we shall take today. This day marks the end of the time we toiled around the hospital as useless people. 

Tomorrow, we go as doctors..

Would the boy you were.......

You had a lover once
She loved you with her heart.
Yet you cared not for her
She did not fit your part.
Now you are a big success,
You drive a fancy car.
Would the boy you were
Be proud of the man you are?

You see life as just a game,
You think that you must win.
It's not a game you win or lose
You'll never start again.
Sure you have your riches now,
Your wealth's beyond compare
But would the boy you were
Be proud of the man you are?

You say that you've come home,
You say you're home for good
But the uncle was right and
You know you never could.
Did you come back to laugh
At those who never dared
Could the boy you were
Quite possibly have erred?

You see your friends that stayed
They've done more than you.
They've lived and loved and cared
For things you never knew.
And still you see yourself
As some returning star
Expecting the boy you were
To be proud of the man you are.

The people that you've known
The ones you cast aside
Still remain in this town
Though many of them have died.
Do you still expect their love,
Can you still expect concern?
When the man that you are
Is ashamed of the boy you were.

Your soul is plagued with scorn
Your heart can know no love.
The people you employed
It's you they're speaking of
Every time they strike
And walk the picket line
Because that boy you were
Had to account for every dime.
Would the Boy You Were...?

We could expect a change
From a man as old as you.
The wisdom of old age
Can help but a few.
If you could see the evil
That's hidden in your greed,
The boy that you once were

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldnt...........

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way

.
She's only a friend, and nothing else--
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying she's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.

You get so giddy when you meet her eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretend that you don't care

.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that she's just a friend?

Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for her to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
so being her boy is an impossible wish... 

Darkness

Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.
Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.
Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a man, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
The fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sigh.
Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,
I can at least take comfort in those who really care.
You know who you are, and so do I.
That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.
::sigh::

Look in My Eyes

Look in my eyes.

Tell me what they say.

Do they tell you my future?

Or just about today?

Can you see the tears I cry?

Well what about the pain I hide?

Or is it you just don’t care what’s inside.

All anyone ever sees

is the fake me I have to be.

But if that’s all you want to see

then you’ll never know

The real me.

Love, depression and suicide!

Recently there have been a lot of suicides and murders which were attributed to failed love. It has set me thinking. What is "failed love"? I know, i know.... A lot of philosophers have pondered over it for all their lives, but still...............

St. Augustine once said,

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two"

Do i agree? Somewhat? Or maybe not :P ... Love is as critical for our mind and body as oxygen. Its not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will both be emotionally as well as physically. The less connected you are, you know.............

It is also true that love is probably the best antidepressant in your life because most common cause of depression is the feeling of being unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They are also very self focussed, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the "skills of love"

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens! As a result, the depressed just sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But it doesn't work that way.... You have to get out of your own shell, talk to people.... FIND YOUR LOVE!!

Most of us get our ideas from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But this culture is one unrealistic thing created for entertainment, not as a reflection of life!! It's part of our natural vulnerability, like junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think its love when its simply infatuation!!??

One consequence is that when we hit the real love we get upset and disappointed because it doesnt meet our cultural ideal! And that leads to depression....

Also that infatuation rarely lasts longer than a few months, and when it gets over, we go so deep into depression, that we forget, what its like, the real stuff! And that depression leads us to think that we no longer fit into this world, and drives us to end it all!! Like St. Augustine's tree, infatuation subsides as rapidly as it came, leaving an aftermath of hopelessness and destruction in its path....

To avoid this depression, we must first learn to do things right! To recognise the truth, which is right in front of our eyes... To recognise the difference between love and infatuation; To learn what its like in the real world!!

Infatuation is that phase of mad attraction where all the hormones are flowing and the things feel so right. It feels good but it rarely lasts, on average, beyond 6 months. Although it can progress to love. Love starts as infatuation in many cases, but infatuation doesn't always evolve into love.

Love, on the other hand, isn't mad excitement; it is the feeling of having accepted someone else for the way they are, and still being able to be with them for infinite time. It is finding someone who you can share everything with, and still not feel embarassed. It isn't the powerful will to do everything together, it is the patience to do everything in harmony with other person...... When the passionate infatuation burns out, and you still decide to be together, it is true love...

Second step to avoid depression is to know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "the act of will". If you dont learn the skills, you will be guaranteed to be depressed, not because you are not connected enough but because you have many failure experiences...

According to a famous psychologist,

Learn good communication skills, FOCUS on the other person, HELP that someone else, DEVELOP the ability to accomodate simultaneous reality, the other person's reality is just as important as your own... And the last but not the least of all, ACTIVELY DISPUTE your internal feelings of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self esteem, every little relationship blip is interpreted as an evidence of inadequacy. Rejection does not come from the partner, it originates from within yourself. Quick to feel rejected by someone, you then begin to believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. STOP!!!!

As a conclusive note, i personally feel its cowardly to even think of suicide. It means not being able to face up to the distorted reality our own rejection has created within... The internal voice does command rejection, but we have to remember that it is not real! And learn to reject the rejection!!

REJECT THE REJECTION!! FOR YOUR OWN "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"

Good luck

Two mistakes of my life

People say that, 

you do it once, its a mistake; you do it again, its a blunder; you do it the third time, you've done it on purpose.

 I dont quite fully agree with it.  I wrote a small stupid poem in my last post about the learning process, and made a point that you dont quite learn by doing it wrong merely once, or twice! But when you dont learn anything at all after doing a blunder once, you're an idiot!!!

But what if this gets repeated twice??? Then that makes you twice the idiot! Similar thing happened with me. I cant write all the events here, but one thing's sure, i really feel like "twice the idiot" . Like it was in school, the idiot kids were made to wear a cap, oh, why am i wasting the time, see for yourself..........................................

Seriously, i feel like this kid here right now.  POOR GUY!

Like a wise guy once said. 

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. 

Wish i'd listened to him sooner! But the last time also i had the same wish lol! When would i learn to keep my mouth shut! Wish it'd happen soon! It'll stop the transformation from the short, "Two mistakes of my life" to full version "Three mistakes of my life".

To end this boring article, i'd say i want to be insane, according to this famous saying,

"One definition of insanity is to do something for twenty years that has not worked, and then do it again as if it will work."

Stupid i know, but i like it!